I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
