that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's great music for shaving your balls
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
