Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I just had sex on a roof
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
