i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
