South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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