Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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