I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
