I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
