I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
