So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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