One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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