HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
