me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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