You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
