You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
