i just had sex bonerless
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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