I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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