Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
