you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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