my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
