I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
The best revenge is premature balding
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
