Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
