dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
