The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
it's like iHOP with fire
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
