i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
