halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
