Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My vagina is officially offended.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
