I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
