Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
