too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
