I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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