Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
