I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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