omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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