if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
