is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
