he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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