I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
