yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
