Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
