How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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