So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
