I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
