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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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