Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
