i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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