if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
