You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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