it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
