the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
